How can a person lose so much in life and yet feel so full?
It seems as though every time I turn around lately something is being taken away from me.
It may be a friend, it may be a possession, it may be a hope, a dream, a family member.
I tell myself that this is life, things come and things go.
But I understand now that it's way deeper than that.
I have learned so much in the last year it is indescribable.
If I had the chance to do it all over again, I would keep some things the same,
but other things I would change.
I should have listened more to my parents, been a better friend, been bold enough to tell my friends when they were wrong, studied harder, listened more, talked less, prayed more, read my bible more, witnessed more to others about my personal relationship with Christ, gotten to know more of my extended family, smiled more, been more content, help others more, let God have more control of my life.
I feel like I have failed in so many things, yet God still continues to bless me.

My family loves me so much more than I deserve.
With out my Mom I would be nothing.
I am sitting here thinking about what I could say to describe my Mom, but nothing seems sufficient, I can't even come close to describing her amazingness. Any one of you who knows her knows that.

I have such a special relationship with my Dad.
He gives me so much good advice, and even better than that, he stops when I've been quiet for too long, just to ask me what I'm thinking.
He will never know what that means to me.
I can disagree with him so much at times, but then I realize that it doesn't matter, life is too short to have arguments with your parents. Just smile, and know that God is in control.

Oh my Tori,
how to say what her personality means to me.
My mom used to tell us in the midst of our fighting that we would be best friends when we were older, I deep down disbelieved her.
But now I look forward to Mondays, and Wednesdays, and Fridays, because I know that I will be able to go to work and be with my sister all day.

And what would my life be without my darling brother Mason?
No one would ask me to wake them in the morning so that they could make me breakfast.
No one would ask me to take them shopping because they know that I will pick out everything that they like too.
He is calm, he is quiet, yet I can always make him laugh about the stupidest things.

"Ashley" Just hearing the name makes me think of a sweetheart with blond hair and blue eyes.
She reminds me allot of myself when I was younger, but way more special.
She is going to be the greatest Wife and Mom.
Every night when I get home from work, she is always dieing to tell me everything that happened that day, whether I want to hear it or not.
She talks to me when I'm doing school, when I'm playing the piano, when I'm sleeping, when I'm cleaning my room.
I may complain to her about the loss of sleep that I get from it all, but I still feel so special that she just wants to talk to me about her life and hear about mine.

Who has the energy of Foster?
I could take a million energy supplements, and never match his energy.
He jumps out of bed in the mornings just to give me a hug and kiss before I leave for work.
He greats me at the door with a hug and a smile when I get home from a long day.
He still isn't too old to sit and cuddle with me.
You can almost always talk him into going and plugging in your car when it's twenty below.
He's Foster, he's special.

Without Jenni, Emily, Kassandra and Angela, I would do nothing besides work and school. I would feel so empty without their friendship. I don't see most of them very often, but I still fell them with me always.

So here I am, sitting here having cried for the last hour from being so overwhelmed.
Not knowing why God chose me to make so lucky.
But yet so thankful that he did.
People around me are in so much suffering, yet I live on.

To my Family to my friends, to those that mean more than life to me.
I love you all.
I pray that you are as blessed and loved as I.
Lanae`


It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.